so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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