just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
