I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
