The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
