Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
operation harelip BJ is a go
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
