I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
