Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
