So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Damn victory sex feels great
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
