Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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