Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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