She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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