Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Randomize
