went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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