I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
