my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
