the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
