You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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