I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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