Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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