ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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