You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Randomize
