do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
