I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
