sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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