I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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