My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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