my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
