Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
