Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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