Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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