You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
