Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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