Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
