Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
