Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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