did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
