I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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