she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
