She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
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Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
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Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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