At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
