i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
