Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i drank out of a bidet.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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