I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
