he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize