First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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