You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
