you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Operation Purity has been aborted
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
