you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
