I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
