I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
