The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I will pee on everything he values.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
