OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
