What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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