You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
