alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
