I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
