Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
