I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
