Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
