I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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