I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Pants are for mortals
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
