You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
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