I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
