When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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