what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
