I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
