Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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