Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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