In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
