Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
