i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
