There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i drank out of a bidet.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
