How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
