we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
