Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
