Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
