some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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